I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
