Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
