"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
