I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I faked an abortion last night.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
40s are totally the cure
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
