I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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