hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
