I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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