Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
