D3 body, D1 cock
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
