Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
