Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We don't watch enough power rangers
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
