My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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