I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
