hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
