even my farts smell like vagina
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
