Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Someone stole a lamp last night.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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