Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
