So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
