Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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