Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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