apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize