let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
