Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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