Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
