She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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