Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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