so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
