Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
