My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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