my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
