Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
