Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
