I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
