I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
