They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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