I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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