just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
