Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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