Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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