There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
BRING THE BAGELS
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
