I feel like abortions should bother me more
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize