you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
