you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
