After last night, I could never be a politician.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
