He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize