Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
