sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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