I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
