ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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