is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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