it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
