I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
