There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
