they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
