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Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
