Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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