You work out of a Hotel?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
