so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
