See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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