We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
