dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
