The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
