Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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