And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize