he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think i got beer on your cat.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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