A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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