I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
