ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
