The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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