this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
