so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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