Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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