I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
