"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
