i just wanna soil my oats bro
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
