Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
