Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
