I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
