After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
