whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
