Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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