I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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